I’ve been logging on and staring at my New Post page for the past few months, my brain frantically wracking itself, attempting to make sense of these tangled thoughts and murky emotions. I feel like I’ve been numbed, dulled, tarnished. My brain, my heart, my soul are all rusty. Lack of use, an abundance of misuse and abuse have resulted in the standstill I’ve come to today; it’s a cycle of destruction.
And then, as you’re about to give up hope, resign yourself to a future in shades of gray and muted tones, you come across something, a word, a picture, a fleeting thought and you feel. It starts as an uncertain trembling, like the faint, initial spark that starts a conflagration. And, as realization hits, your energy, your devotion, your spirit feeds it, breathes life into it and it evolves into an all-consuming blaze.
To Zainub, for, with your vitality and wisdom, being that first spark. You’ve revived a dying heart:
“…anything I write seems utterly inadequate at this moment. Perhaps that is my mind internalizing what it was taught today; that words have been my way for too long, that action is long overdue.” (source)
InshAllah, those words will be the herald of change, of revitalization in my life. I refuse to live a life of stagnated existence. May God give me strength.