If you’ve ever had a near death experience, then you know what I’m talking about without me having to explain anything. First you’re scared, shocked, naustated, hopeless. You’re praying desperately for one last day, one last chance to set things right. All you hear is a litany of ‘if onlys.’
But after the shock wears off, the world is… brighter. So beautiful and breathtaking it hurts. You can’t seem to get enough of the simple things: breathing, the reassuring pounding of your heartbeat, the feel of your hair on your shoulders, the delicacy of your wrists and fingers. Life becomes a series of crystalized moments as you strive to retain each one in all its perfection: touch, taste, smell, sight, sound, and emotions.
But that is nothing – absolutely nothing – next to the terror of seeing the life of someone you love about to end. Holding their hand while you watch them battle to overcome something you can’t possibly, in your health, comprehend. The helplessness. The desperation. The fear in their eyes. Ya Allah.
There’s a reason they say in the face of death we find God. The absolute inevitability of it, the sheer helplessness we feel; there’s only the One you can turn to.
So thank You God. It’s been five days. And each day I can’t possibly thank You enough for saving this life. For giving me that one more day to see their smile and to hear their voice. Thank You. This moment is beyond beautiful – it’s perfect. And inshAllah, every moment You give us together will be spent putting those ‘if onlys’ to rest and thanking You.