When life gives you no means of entertainment….
…. entertain yourself
Horesman needed help with his essay. As luck would have it, it’s a persuasive essay, with a list of topics ranging from terrorism to school uniforms. Wide spectrum, eh?
We settled on racism. First step is to begin your persuading with an anecdote. Apparently, Horseman has no recollections of racist acts perpetrated against his self and wants to make one up. I stare at him and inform him that no, he’s not. We’re going to be using Mine Own Experiences as inspiration. I’m in the mood for some laughter, so I grab the keyboard and begin:
Like the rest of the world, I remember September 11th, 2001 vividly. I was
S&S: “How old were you? You weren’t eight were you??”
Horseman: “I was nine. How the hell can I be ‘vividly remembering’ anything?”
S&S: “In my anecdote, the impossible becomes *pause* possible…”
ten at the time, and didn’t feel the effects as directly as others. But the aftershocks of fear and hate ran clearly through our Muslim community. I clearly remember
Horseman: “Correction… I was nine and I don’t clearly remember anything”
S&S: “Shut up, will you? I’m having a moment”
the tears in my sisters eyes
Horseman: “What tears? Tears of laughter?”
S&S: “Hey! *pointing to face* This is to mask the pain revived by these words….”
as she walked home from the library
Horseman: “Actually You’re right, wallah. There probably were tears. Tears because you couldn’t find the book you wanted!” *laughs at his own ‘wit’*
S&S: “No respect for the pained, I swear. I’m in the middle of a catharsis. The laughter you see is a defense mechanism against the pain! Reaction formation, as Freud would say.”
hopelessly dejected, head hung
Horseman: “You’re a fag” (my brother’s favorite insult)
S&S: “Your face” (my customary reply)
because people had yelled at her to take off her doorag and or tablecloth, and ‘go back home.’
Horseman: “That so did not happen”
S&S: “Did too! It was a horrible. Still brings tears to my eyes” (by now I am crying – tears of laughter)
A few days later, children threw rocks at her, and harassed her and her Hijabi (that’s a headscarf wearing female) friends mercilessly.
Horseman: “That was because you hit him. And then got Will to beat him up.”
S&S: “Oh yeah… but that’s besides the point. Shut up. And let me continue! Repressed feelings and all, remember?!”
Furthermore, to the dismay of the community, the field and parking lot beside a Mosque, a Muslim prayer hall,
Horseman: “EVERYONE knows what a Mosque is, fag.”
S&S: “Your face…” (automatic, knee-jerk reply)
was burnt in a hate crime.
Horseman: “HATE CRIME? It was a bunch of drunk idiots!! You’ve got to be kidding me…” (he’s peeing his pants from laughing, the hypocrite)
A few days afterwards, the local Islamic school was vandalized and the children harassed by passerbies/passerby’s(?). One drunkard remained on the premises and threatened to ‘unveil’ the young girls. The local authorities sent two cops to remain on school grounds and patrol the entries to the school.
Horseman: “Owwww my cheeks!!” (that’s how hard he’s laughing) “You fag!!”
S&S: “Your face… Fine then! Have it your way! I’ll delete the damn thing! Make your own damn anecdote!! See if I care!”
By the end we’re crying from laughing so hard, and no closer to finishing his assignment that when we’d started. It’s all good, though. I believe that laughter is cheap medicine (thank you, Lord Byron) and, as you probably guessed, laughter comes really, really cheap and easy to me. I can pretty much singlehandedly set myself off into a hysterical fit…
Btw, I didn’t hit him. Well, I did, but he threw rocks and insulted my hijab first and then I hit him and got Will to teach him a lesson.
I have so much more to say. My drafts are in the double digits, but I should really sleep. I have two more exams in two weeks and I don’t want a reoccurrence of Mine Emo Breakdown, now do I?