Dear Will, Smeez, Horseman, and MiniMe,
[aka. my four brothers]
This one is for you. I understand you are men and as such are incapable of breathing, eating, or even just existing silently. That includes you, MiniMe, ’cause even though you may be eight now, you’re already well on your way to driving me slowly but surely insane with your breathing habits. I love you all very much, and will put up with this because, for reasons known only to God, He so ordained it that you four be my brothers. For better or for worse only without a choice. But the day will come when someone is going to snap, flip out, and maybe even go on some sort of killing rampage because of your breathing, eating, and existing so noisily. So I’m doing my sisterly duty and letting you know now, in hopes of saving you future embarrassment as well as (possibly) saving a heck of a lot of innocent lives.
With all my love and a sincere hope that this’ll finally get my point across,
Your one&only sister,