Monthly Archives: November 2008

The Lemony Fresh Depths of My Toilet

I walk into the guest bath today and the toilet lid’s hanging on for dear life by a single screw. After further inquiry, it turns out the other screw’d loosened and we were waiting for MiniMe to finish studying so he could grab it. ‘Cause he was the only one whose hand was small enough. Or something.

Me, with my exam-dead brain, figured the screw had fallen into the toilet and, for reasons that are still unclear, decided to talk MiniMe into reaching in there and grabbing it.

I grab MiniMe, march him to the toilet in question, and am all “It’s okay. I’ve done it before, when my phone fell out of my backpocket. The clue is not to think about what you’re doing. Just reach in there and feel for it.”

The poor kid stared at me like I was asking him to, well, stick his hand in a toilet. I can’t really blame him. Even at their cleanest, they’re still toilets. And we all know exactly what goes down ’em. After staring at me wide-eyed for a few seconds, and probably questioning my sanity, he refused.

By this time, I’ve decided it’s vitally important the screw comes out. So I launched into my Speech of Familial Duty and Obligation while we both peered into the depths of the toilet in question. And all the while this little voice in the back of my head’s asking Why is his hand the only one that’d fit? I’ve put my hand in a toilet, and it fit. And why’s the screw inside? Don’t they fall out the back? And why’s it so quiet in the next room? And what effect does daycare in early childhood have on the attachment process?

Moving on. I ignored said voice and went on with my Speech of Familial Duty and Obligation when my mom and dad (the cause of The Silence in The Next Room, eavesdropping shamelessly) burst out laughing and yelling.

Apparently the screw had fallen out behind the toilet, onto this little shelf-like indent thing it has in the back. Hence, the place only his small hand could reach. ‘Cause it’s wedged up against the wall. Or something.

My mom: “And there’s our aspiring developmental psychologist trying to convince a thoroughly disgusted and scared child to stick his hand in a toilet. Traumatizing the children much, S&S?”

My genius, indignant answer: “But you said only his hand could fit!!” And this after they explained the behind, not in error I’d made.

More laughter. In fact, sadistic family of mines is still laughing at me. I will admit though: this isn’t my first intellectual blunder of the day…. more along the sixth or seventh…. 

Will grabbed the poor kid out of my maniacal clutches and assured him that if anyone had to stick their hand down a toilet, they’d make sure it would be me.

Ugh. So completely brain dead I am. 

And I’m not even supposed to be here. So off I go. 1 report and 2 exams left! *insert fake, brain-dead enthusiasm into voice*

Btw, tomorrow, or whenever it is my brain cells being functioning again, I’m going to look back and ask myself what in the world I was thinking, publishing a post titled “The Lemony Fresh Depths of My Toilet.” But I’ve just used a good however-much-time-it-took typing this, so publish it is!



Filed under Family Matters, Humor, Personal

Turn and Seek

A futile roving
as I turn, seeking,
stumbling in my haste
from cold to colder face.
A hint of sympathy,
of refuge and sanctuary,
of comfort and solace,
is all that I ask.
But each cold face
frowns and turns away
and I continue roving,
turning and seeking.

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Filed under Poetry

Your Pain or Mine?

I’ll leave you presently;
my footsteps will tread sturdy
my voice will remain steady
my eyes will be completely empty.
And I’ll walk, head held loftily
not a tear to betray me
till emptiness surrounds me
and no one can witness my agony.

And I will exist silently,
while the pain courses through me
the sobs rack my body
the river of tears flows freely
the pain drowns me.
And my lungs will rupture devastatingly
and my heart will stop mercifully
and your pain will leave me – finally.

And I wish sincerely,
that you could be beside me
to hold me closely
to soothe me endlessly
to mend me wholly.
But because I love you unconditionally
I realize it’s my turn currently
my turn to shoulder the agony.

That is love.


Filed under Poetry

Look What You’ve Done

My screams echo
in the chambers of my lungs.
And I can’t seem to let go
of the restraints that bind my tongue.

And I would give my existence
to put to words my pain.
To fight the resistance
that completely binds my brain.

Look what you’ve done
you’ve finally broken me.
You’ve ended what hasn’t begun
you’ve bought me to my knees.

Tears blur my vision,
distorting your face.
Yet I can see with precision,
your fall from grace.

Behind my eyes it remains
imprinted on my heart.
Till your pain becomes my pain
and I can’t tell them apart.

Look what you’ve done
you’ve finally broken me.
You’ve ended what hasn’t begun
you’ve bought me to my knees.

Finally, sweet numbness
an instinctive attempt at protection.
Too late to be of any success
to even come close to my resurrection.

And so I’ll drag myself off and away
to the solitude of anonymity.
And I’ll lie here and peacefully decay
if you’ll just finally leave me.

Because I’m content to end what hasn’t begun
before the pain forces me to kneel
before I break and come undone
if it means this heart is finally free to heal.

So I choose for you to leave me
to leave untouched what little remains
While this heart still has a chance of beating
While I still have hope of living again.


Filed under Poetry

You Bleed Just to Know You’re Alive

Four words: The Goo Goo Dolls. And another nine for emphasis: Where the HELL have you been all my life???

If I were to start quoting this post’d turn into an A-Z lyrical archive for the Goo Goo Dolls, so I’ll stick to the top two verses:

And you can’t fight the tears that ain’t coming 
Or the moment of truth in your lies 
When everything seems like the movies 
Yeah you bleed just to know you’re alive 

And, as if I need any more reason to fall madly in love:

And scars are souvenirs you never lose
The past is never far
Did you lose yourself somewhere out there?
Did you get to be a star?
And don’t it make you sad to know that life
Is more than who we are?

I’ve gone on a maniacal downloading spree.


Right, so I’m going to get back to studying. And just because I can see the incredulous looks on the faces of the people who know the me me, you have permission to start laughing now….


Sorry this just came in. Before It’s Too Late is brilliant. Same with Let Love In and Slide… and well, every song I’ve heard so far ❤


Filed under Lyrics

On Anthems, Christmas Remixes, and Homesickness

Two days ago we sang the Canadian national anthem to MiniMe, age 8, because it’s in his curriculum and the poor kid’s never heard it sung that he can remember. I cried. Not a full blown crying fit, but my eyes teared up. 

Horseman noticed and said “Shut up! Remember when we’d be like ‘OHHH SOUURIA!!! Our home and native land??” which, besides me grabbing the neck of shirt and attempting to strangle the life out of him for ruining such a patriotic moment, reminded us that, zomg!! it was that Christmas time of the year, again! The wonderful month when the entire school would skip first period in elementary in favor or going to the gym for some serious christmas caroling.

Then Will, Horseman, and I broke out into Chirstmas carols. Not the real deal, the wicked variations like:

Dashing through the snow,
on a pair of broken skies,
over the hills we go…
crashing into trees!
The snow is turning red!
I think I’m almost dead!
I woke up in the hospital with stitches in my head!
OOHHHHHHhhhhhh!!! *deep breath*
Jingle bells, Batman smells, Robin laid an egg, batmobile lost its wheel and joker got away, hey!
911, 911, Santa’s almost dead! Rudolph bought a four by four and shot him in the head! Ohhh
Barbie girl, Barbie girl, tried to save his life! But G.I Joe from Mexico stabbed her with a knifeeeeeeeee!!!!


Deck the halls with poison ivy
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Tis the season to be naughty
Fa la la la la, la la la la
Break a window, pop a tire
Fa la la, la la la, la la la
Set the teacher’s hair on fire
Fa la la la la, la la LAA LAHHH!!! 

*applause* *bow* Thank you! Thank you very much!!

And we started with the “Rudolph the red-nosed reindeer, had a bright and shiny nose *like a lightbulb*” one but got into an argument over whether he went down in history like monopoly or like George Washington. I was backing Georgie… but I guess we’ll never know!!

Oh God, I miss home!!!


Filed under Canada, Family Matters, Lyrics

Letter to My Brothers


Dear Will, Smeez, Horseman, and MiniMe,
[aka. my four brothers]

This one is for you. I understand you are men and as such are incapable of breathing, eating, or even just existing silently. That includes you, MiniMe, ’cause even though you may be eight now, you’re already well on your way to driving me slowly but surely insane with your breathing habits. I love you all very much, and will put up with this because, for reasons known only to God, He so ordained it that you four be my brothers. For better or for worse only without a choice. But the day will come when someone is going to snap, flip out, and maybe even go on some sort of killing rampage because of your breathing, eating, and existing so noisily. So I’m doing my sisterly duty and letting you know now, in hopes of saving you future embarrassment as well as (possibly) saving a heck of a lot of innocent lives.

With all my love and a sincere hope that this’ll finally get my point across,

Your one&only sister,



Filed under Cartoons, Family Matters