Jaded Optimism

One of my cousins recently came down from Canada. Looking at her I swear I could see a reflection of my old, pre-jaded self. She was so enthusiastic, so willing to believe the best in any and every one, so disillusioned optimistic.

Like me, her life is Canada. The only ties she has to this country are her heritage and her husband. So when she went on for about an hour how it doesn’t matter where you are, what matters is who you are, and when she says that it was no picnic fighting, be it against society or ourselves, to be ourselves back in Canada, I really can’t argue with her. And then she goes on to say what difference is it being here? Same fight, different place. What matters is, are we the same people?

This is where I start ‘massaging my temples’ and ‘groaning in despair.’ Not because what she said was a load of bull. That’d be easier to take. But because what she said is, like I said, a reflection of me. My words. The words I believed in, I fought for, I was for my entire life. 

And I’m reminded all over again of my broken dreams and my sore heart.

I think they’ve finally gotten to me.



Filed under Canada, Family Matters, Head-Bangers, Personal, Reflections, Syria

7 responses to “Jaded Optimism

  1. Wow, that’s really good. I never thought of it that way.

  2. Oh, I really don’t know what to say. Except that don’t give u hope. Thigs ‘get’ to all of us at times; then we rally and get ourselves together again.

    Because tomorrow is a NEW day. 🙂


  3. I feel that way today too. It seems to happen more and more often. I wish I was naive again. Real life is hard 😥

  4. Mamamona – I know, eh? As much as I need these wake-up calls, I hate them. Cause now I gotta pull it together. I have been warned! 😉

    Specs – Inshallah! Feelings of hopelessness and despair don’t sit well with me. But when it’s day in day out you’re dealing with such IGNORANCE, they sometimes get to you

    Ummtravis – It is extremely hard :(. What I wouldn’t give for naivety and innocence, cause all these hard times harden your heart… which is, in the end, our loss.

    What can I say? May God be with us 🙂

  5. I fear about this all the time…whenever we think of “back home” these thoughts cross my mind and I don’t know how I would be able to handle it…SubhanaAllah…sometimes I think I’m brainwashed or something lol

  6. I hope I’m not brainwashed that is!

  7. LOL. No I don’t think you’re brainwashed.. just a little realistic!! I know reassurances would be good right now, but in my current state they’d sound more a like a broken record rather than genuine reassurances.

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