I’m sitting alone now, brief moments of respite from a chaotic life. The only thing I see a sea spread endlessly. As the minutes pass, the sun makes its way inexorably towards the seam of the earth; blinding blue meets fading blue. The fishing boats and yachts dotting the horizon are cast in shadow by the suns descent. The line of scraggly boulders that stretch to my right are stark black – a jutting finger steadfast despite the waves that beat it endlessly. Further down, like a chorus of conductors’ batons, fishing poles rise and fall, in harmony with some invisible, unheard force lurking beneath the rocking waters.
A cloud drifts across the sun now, smokey air suspended briefly – a moment of mercy. It passes and the fiery glare blazes across the sea once more; a path of light, beckoning me. The boulder cuts into me, its jagged surface imprinted on my palm, my heart, my soul. The sultry dance of the waves beckon, gleaming crests of luxurious foam. Their crashes echo in my head, their lapping against the rocks in my stomach.
Shade falls now, no longer benevolent mercy. Rather, an omen. The clouds and sun, in their endless struggle for dominance, reflect my turbulent mood. The sun triumphs, but this time, my moral fails to rise with it. I’m trapped in perpetual gloom. Frustration, resentment, sorrow, hope, longing, futility – they crash and collide within, their tumultuous motion end in waves that lap in my throat, threatening to engulf me. My stomach is ill at ease. I want answers, I want hope, I want revelation. What I knew, what I thought I knew, recedes, replaced instead by a gaping emptiness. It threatens to drown me if I don’t fill it.
I stand alone now, in a sea of people. My assurances have left with the waves. I’m left alone, my emptiness threatening my peace of mind. The sea taunts me. Its waves rush forth, tumbling over themselves in their haste, heralds of all I could want, only to recede, their hasty retreat mocking my indecision. I stare at them, mesmerized by the insistent mockery. As if understanding the extent of my sorrow, the sea sends a parting gift. The coming wave pushes forth an exquisite shell.
Deep down I know now, I am the shell. An empty shell in the midst of pebbles. The secret I once knew, the soul I once possessed, is gone. I am the shell. The delicate, empty shell that withstood the turmoil of the waves intact. The people in the background fade, and I realize the emptiness within isn’t a loss. Instead, its shocking unfamiliarity speaks of what was once there, the desire to fill it speaks of passion and ambition. It tells of a future full of knowledge – a rebirth.
The waves no long mock me now. Instead I see with clarity. The answer was within me, constantly.