I’d like to lay my head in your lap, seek the comfort that was so readily forthcoming as a child.
I’d like to shed those tears that clog my throat, obstructing the words I’d like to scream from the highest mountain.
I’d like to scream, rip, destroy. Wipe off the smile that strains my cheeks and vent all the emotion.
I’d like to reach into my head and rip out the thoughts that haunt my waking moments.
I’d like to lock my fears forever away, where their disturbing tendrils have no way of reaching out and wrapping around me, suffocating, doubting.
I’d like remove my heart and soak it in warm, cleansing water, let the hardened crust that constricts its beating break away and drift in soft flakes down the drain.
I’d like to go back, say the words that needed to be said, do the things that had to be done.
I’d like, more than anything, to go forward with my head high, my heart pure. I’d like to have the strength to see truth, purity. I’d like to be able to answer my time, my money, my youth with my head high, my doubts quenched. I’d like you to look me in the face with pride, with acceptance, with love… I can’t bear the thought of you turning away.
God give me strength.