During my jog today 02

I haven’t gone for about two weeks what with late nights studying, volunteering, and not being able to get up in the mornings, so today I said enough was enough. We didn’t wake up in the morning, so we went at around Maghrib time, which is about 9:20. I got my sweats on, my drink on (water bottle lol), filled up gas, picked up my jogging buddy and we were off down 69th like usual.

In the morning it’s quaint. Very little traffic, and all the other pedestrians are joggers who make a point to look you in the eye and smile a ‘hello.’ It’s a greeting, encouragement, and support all rolled into a flash of teeth. The world is waking and you’re witnessing it.

At night it’s a whole other world. That time of day is my favorite. A lot of people say sunrises are beautiful, alluding to fresh beginnings. But I’ve always been a sunset girl. Dusk is when I come to life, when the air fills with anticipation, the skies darken, the world comes to life in a dizzying array of colours. It’s fleeting though, close you’re eyes and open them and in that swift second the world has changed.

So there we were, collapsed on the curb  near my car in a parking lot, drinking water like it was going out of style, and discussing stand up comedians, of all things. When this car drives by twice, the first time zooming by, then slower for a closer look, with this white kid gaping at us. It parks a distance away, does  a U turn and comes in for one more go, this time outside the parking lot, on 69th. He leans out, screams a very eloquent “FUCK YOU,” and revs off.

By this time it’s full dark, and my friend was getting kind of antsy. It’s Sunday night and Calgary’s dead, or at least this area is. But why the hell should I?? Jugding by the look I got of the kid, he’s younger than I am! I was, quite literally,  here first and I’m not moving till I’m damn well good and ready to move!

After the spurt of anger, it was emptiness. These encounters, while rare, always leave me drained of hope. And soooo confused! Ugh.  I will never, ever understand racism or prejudice.

Alhamdulillah for the life I lead, which has taught me respect and tolerance above all else.

I break you don’t, I was always set to self-destruct though

Where you stand tall, I cower
Where you are firm, I falter.
Where you are sure, I stumble.
Where you are whole, I crumble.

When I cower, you shield me.
When I falter, you steady me.
When I stumble, you catch me.
When I crumble, you heal me.

I was listening to If There’s a Rocket Tie me To it, right after listening to Al-Imran by Saad Al-Ghamdi, and this kinda wrote itself. I know they’re fundamentally irreconcilable, but they both have such a tremendous impact on my life. I <3 music and the Quran is my life.

Anyway, this is totally irrelevant in my life, as I’m the one that’s always running around picking up the pieces – both my own and others – but there you have it. Alhamdulillah.

But, sometimes…. sometimes I wish I knew where this was all going!

Until you give in

Why won’t you let me in? Your pain is my pain, your wounds my wounds. Yet all you see are our differences, highlighted, underlined, capitalized in bold black. You begrudge me my blessings, scorn my pain.

Yet for all the pain you cause me, you are my heart, my soul. I love you. Come tomorrow, I’ll be here, patiently waiting, forever and a day.

So why won’t you let me in?

Fix You – Coldplay

Poetry Competition, eh??

I’ve finally decided to take the plunge and submit my poems in for a competition (the incentive of 500 dollars for first place has nothing to do with it, obviously). Soooo, because I kind of believe my poems are very amateur, I was wondering if you, Oh Faithful Readers, could read over some of the poems I have posted up on this blog and take this poll and help a sister out!

The poems are:

Threads of Life
Your Pain or Mine?
Look What You’ve Done
The End
Faded Teardrops
A Piece of My Soul
The Power of Words
Fajir Prayer

If you guys could pleeeeeeease take a look at them and then take the poll, I’d love you all for life <33

Thank you =)

- a Desperately Lost Sistah

…

Ugggghhhhhhhhhhh

Kk, all better now =)

Already??

But the universe is just an empty space
And all the stars can disappear without a trace
I’m so glad that this has taken so long
‘Cause it’s the journey that made me so strong

So a  long  while back, whilst I was still lounging away on the other side of the ocean, I said I’d miss Syria. And now I do. Miss Syria that is. Seriously… it’s been about 6 weeks and I expected it to take a little longer before I missed it, but in reality, about 3 weeks in I started feeling them. Those twinges. Worrying and easy to ignore at first, getting progressively more insistent. At first, I ignored them in hopes that they would go away, and let me live contentedly, but no such luck. They’re here. To stay.

So here’s my list:

1. The athan. But oddly enough, only one. The maghrib. For seven weeks now at maghrib time I’ve been glancing at the sky, watching it grow progressively darker and wondering why it hadn’t athanit yet.
2.  The noise. It used to drive me crazy in our apartment in Dumar, but living in the burbs, it’s too quiet at times. Other than the rattling dump truck, and car doors slamming every once in a while it’s silent. Pressingly oppressive silence.
3. Taxis!! The bumpy, hang-on-for-dear-life rides, filled with stories you’re only half-paying attention to because like I said, you’re trying not to lose your lunch.
4. The excitement! The utter unpredictability of Syria.  You go out to buy a some bread, and you get to partake in a mini-adventure!
5. Being able to go to Old Damascus any time I wanted.
6. How distances feel so short there!! Here it’s like traversing the globe when you want to make it from one area to the next. Crazy.
7. The city center. The d-town. The hustle and bustle, loool. The crush of bodies, the peddlers hawking goods, all the never-ending horns. The smell of freshly baked bread, gas emissions, sweat, sewage, cigarette smoke, and a billion other things assaulting your senses. Freaky? Yes. But also true.
8. Finding those hole in the wall places and falling in love.
9.  The Umayyed mosque and it’s cool courtyards.
10. Arabic coffee!
11.  That corn dish you can buy in the streets. Corn and cheese and a ton of spices.
12.  The lessons I used to attend. There’s no way I can replace that woman in my life.
13. Just being there =(
14. A few, select friends and cousins. I <3 you guys crazzy.
15. Complaining about Syria. Now that I don’t live there anymore, I feel like I’ve been stripped of my complaining privileges…

But, funny thing is, for every thing I listed, I thought of something I liked here, in Canada. So I’m good, lol. Just thought I’d get that outta my system!

My Private Parts

Although I didn’t take this photo, I did see it on the way to Vancouver and laughed my ass off. Seriously, I almost drove right off the road. HilARIOUS!!

If you’re not getting it, that’s okay. Cause this is for all y’all who insisted on calling me Wally – although you spelt it Waleee. Anyway: Enjoy!!

Trials and Tribulations

It’s always eye-opening to see other people struggle with obstacles you’ve successfully overcome. You’re torn with wanting to help them and a deep understanding gained only through experience that it’s something they have to experience it themselves. Like metal must pass through fire in order to be tempered into a final, strong product, so too do certain trails have to be experienced in order to emerge wiser and stronger.

So all you can do is offer your own experiences and hope they come out of it for the better….

On a positive note, it’s also highlighted how far I’ve come along. Pretty impressive, if I do say so myself.

EDIT
Umm, obviously the title was meant to read trials and tribulation, not trails and tribulations… iTypo! my badd =)

Lifehouse Love

I would fall asleep
Only in hopes of dreaming
That everything would be like it was before
But nights like this it seems are slowly fleeting
They disappear as reality is crashing to the floor

<33 lifehouse!!

Jogging with music is beautiful. You can’t hear the smack of your feet on the pavement or your harsh breathing. The world, constantly present and demanding, is held at bay, distant and hauntingly silent. It’s like you’re suspending in time, insulated in the music that surrounds you, pumping through your veins. You float along, leaving your past behind, finding meaning in the strain and lyrics.

This ‘counting the blessings’ and ‘enjoying each day’ thing is amazing. It reminds me to be thankful all the time. To take the time to look at all my accomplishments and pat myself on the back rather than beating myself up over the things I didn’t have the time for. Alhamdulillah. The first steps are always the hardest, but it gets easier with time, eh?

My Precious

MY MUM IS HERE!! Yay =)

And she bought me all these bee-you-tee-ful abayas. And I kinda told a few friends that they could have a look at them and maybe buy some. But I think I changed my mind. They’re GORGEOUS. Stunning. Mine. My precious.

Here come da women. Da women in black